Lara Tai
Reporter-Editor
Love is a many splendored thing. Whether it be that sharp student in your class who always has their hand up ready to answer, your highschool sweetheart or a first date from a dating app who wasn’t a crazy psycho offering personal foot massages. We are at the dawn of a new decade.
It seems like the world has been wiped clean to start afresh, and anything is possible including finding a new love but what about our needs in relationships? Needs? Does this sound like a new concept?
Well as humans we still act on our primitive drives and basic emotional needs which has not changed since prehistoric times (try not to think of that chasing scene with Kevin Hart and the Rock in Jumanji).
However, the way we interact has changed. There is an influx of dating “gurus” like Matthew Hussey who took that one life course certificate and feel that they can give you the solution on how to fix your lovelife.
Formulating love like its some quadratic equations especially when the “gurus” tell you that if you do A …. Do B and this will equal C and the person will fall in love with you forever and ever amen.
They offer tons of Youtube tutorials and DIY’s on how to catch and keep that perfect man with biceps that can flex in rhythm to that new Harry Styles track Watermelon Sugar or attract those beautiful Kylie Jenner types.
People think romantic gestures and how their partner makes them feel proves the validity as well as stability of their relationships. However it’s adherence to core needs in ourselves and in our partners that is the source of our human desires and denying them can be the reason for breakdown in a relationship. Maslow’s Hierarchy of Core Needs lists Love third in status after Self Actualization and Esteem.
We have physiological needs I mean after a stressful day after exams we all reach for that Krispy Kreme donut and are forever grateful.
A strong need that we overlook is a need to feel safe. You would be surprised how much we shut down in a relationship if we do not feel safe.
For social belonging we search to be a part of a social group. It’s amazing to overcome personal and physical trials by learning, growing and changing yourself. So it’s our personal self that needs to be honoured in relationships rather than romantic gestures.
Arguing about who didn’t pay for those grande lattes at Starbucks may not be true source of contention between you and your partner. It’s really that a core need has not been met. What drives us is our core needs. So it might be helpful to think about your core needs and identifying them in your relationship.
So maybe romance is a simple as sharing what you need from your partner and what they need from you?
