By Alisha Riley, Courtney Niven & Mary-Grace Falvo
Dialog Sex Columnists
The elusive brown belt realized. You guessed it; we’re talking about anal.
Mary-Grace: Your anus; one of many orifices through which pleasure can be received. And like those other orifices nothing should ever be inserted without having had a conversation about it first. Having open and honest dialogue with your partner is a great way to explore curiosities and helps to alleviate anxiety. Me? I’m curious about anal play in the sense of wanting know what it feels like without actually having to experience it, so not really that curious. Then why did I bring up the topic with my partner? Well, because I was under the impression that all heterosexual males want to stick their penis in an anus (thanks Cosmo!) and I wanted to know if my partner was one of ‘them’ before a horrible and bullshit, “it just slipped” story wound up a part of my life. Turns out my partner is as curious about anal as I am and we’ve both agreed to let each other know if our curiosities change or deepen; checking-in before putting-in as I’ve never said before – but will totally start saying now.
Courtney: My curiosity about anal play is only something that has sparked recently. I think that my sexual partners have greatly influenced my level of comfort with certain sexual acts – after spending time with someone who felt discomfort when I grabbed her ass; I have spent a long time digging myself out of anal-play shame.
My curiosity is the spawn of one drunken night of oral sex. She was going down on me and fingering me at the same time. Suddenly I felt her pinky and ring finger slide down and caress my butthole. Initially, I tensed up… until I realized “holy fuck that feels good”. I then came… like, seriously… I came. Best orgasm ever. I spent some time talking to my best friend about this and compared my interest and experience with his – he finally disclosed he has entered the butt, but exclaimed, “it hurt her, it hurt me… it hurt everybody!” I suppose my curiosity is fresh and confusing, but I am interested in exploring – with a lady.
Alisha: Since becoming sexually active, the exploration of the anus has always been a fascination of my partners and mine. Being young and curious about all aspects of sexual pleasure, I was open to trying anal sex. That said, I also felt like women weren’t supposed to be curious about, or want to experiment with anal play, which lead to hesitation with my partners. My past experiences with anal penetration have not been positive – I felt vulnerable and scared, and frankly, like I was going to poop. Despite this, I think anal play can be a pleasurable activity, as I have found it gratifying to have my anus stimulated digitally and orally.
Looking back I realize that I had yet to develop the skills or the confidence to facilitate a conversation with my partners around my fears and my wants / needs. My butthole was not romanced before anal sex, nor was there enough (if any) lube used during the encounters which resulted in pain , discomfort and some bleeding. But with experience comes knowledge, and when I try anal penetration again I will definitely be doing some things differently!
We encourage every one of y’all to help remove the taboo, and explore anal play in a way that feels safe for you (for example, digital stimulation, analingus, plugs, penetration, beads, etc,). We strongly recommend keeping the lines of communication open with your partner(s) before, during and after sex, and to always practice safe sex. And lube. Definitely lube!
Remember; email us all of your questions and/or comments at dialogsex@gmail.com
