Diagnosed with generalized anxiety and major clinical depression there are days when Fanshawe College student Brooke Foster doesn’t make it out of her bed

Brooke Foster
Interrobang (Fanshawe College)

LONDON, Ont. (CUP)—I hear the alarm screaming at me to wake up. It’s 8:30 a.m. and I have to be at school for 10 to start my news anchor shift. I am the voice of your afternoon news for the next five weeks and it’s hell.

I can’t find a reason to get out of bed aside from the fact that my instructors are already threatening to fail me and it’s only week two. It’s really hard to leave the little fortress of solitude that is my bed. I think about calling it a day and faking sick.

That was the start of one of my bad days. Those are days when I often don’t make it out of the house or even out of bed.

I have these days more than the average student and that makes it really difficult to succeed in school. I know I’m more than capable of doing well and consistently falling below my expectations, because the depression triggers the anxiety, which furthers the depressive state. It’s like a vicious cycle.

High school was a difficult time for me. I dealt with depression and anxiety for three of the four years.

I had a hard time finishing assignments and getting out of bed to get to class in time. I had my parents push me to do these things, so I had some feeling of control over my symptoms.

The symptoms got worse when I moved away for college. I was on my own in a fairly new city. Maintaining a normal social life was more important than going to school. I didn’t do well with my social life or with school and I ended up failing my second semester.

It was my own choice when I decided to look for help. I didn’t want to go to my family doctor at first because I had been her patient for most of my life and was upset with her for not seeing the signs earlier. I was also worried about her telling my parents about what I was dealing with.

I did a lot of research. I also did a few of those depression-screening quizzes online, and every single one of them suggested that I speak with a professional.

In November 2013 I became anxious about school again. I was in the middle of one of my worst attacks when I called the mental health crisis line. The phone operator walked me through the situation and then had me call my family doctor to set an appointment. It was too late for the doctor to see me that day, but she booked me in during her lunch break the next day.

I made a list of everything I had been feeling so I could give her that instead of having to talk about it. It was scary to talk about everything I had been thinking and feeling for the past five years.

I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety and major clinical depression. In 2014 I have been on different combinations of anti-depressants. We still haven’t found what works for me, and that’s really discouraging some days.

The only experience I’ve had with mental illness has been while I’ve been a student. Completing assignments on time, making my way to class and even interacting with other students in class is constantly draining. What makes it harder is feeling afraid to talk to anyone about it. Trying to explain myself to instructors is nearly impossible because of the hurdles I place in front of myself.

Depression and anxiety can look different for everyone. They don’t always go hand in hand, but they tend to for students.

There are so many resources to seek help from. If you’re not ready to speak with a doctor or counsellor, talk to your friends. Having a support system of people you can talk to is important.

If you feel any of the typical symptoms of depression or anxiety, reach out for help. Seeking treatment is one of the hardest yet bravest things a person living with depression can do. There are always more people willing to help than you think.