2018 Love and Sex survey results

168 people responded to The Dialog’s 2018 Love and Sex survey. 46% were women, 49% were men and 5% were non-binary.  Here are some of the results and select comments from it. Some numbers may not add up to 100% due to rounding.

Orientation

Hetrosexual: 67%
Bisexual: 12%
Flexible: 7%
Lesbian or Gay: 4%
Queer: 4%
Asexual: 1%
Not sure: 2%

Relationship status

Single: 40%
Married or cohabitation: 27%
Long-Term Relationship: 18%
Open relationship or polyamorous: 6%
Friends with benefits: 6%
Long distance: 3%

What is more important to you: Love or Sex?


Love: 39% (46% for women)
Sex: 7% (12% for men)
Both: 55%

“My sexual life is just like hell….But right now sex is more important to me as I am almost deprived of this.”

“Love my wife and love sex.”

“Not important. There are more important things to do in life.”

What is sex?

83% of people say vaginal penetration is sex, but just 56% say the same for anal sex.

“Sex” is such a broad term. You can have “sex” without penetration. You can also have “sex” without foreplay. So, I think “to have sex” means to have sexual contact that satisfies both parties.”

Your first time?

 

30% of respondents were ages 15-17 when they said they first had sex
27% were 18-20
15% were under 14 (8% for women, 21% for men)
14% haven’t had a sexual experiance
12% were 21-24
12% were over 25

What was it like?

“FANTASTIC! High fives all around.”

“It was short of what I expected. Too much romance novel reading I guess.”

Would you consider an open relationship?

52% No. (though 9% have in the past)
25% Maybe
24% Yes (7% are already in one) 33% for men and 9% of women would consider an open relationship.

Why or why not?

“It sounds compelling but jealousy’s the real sticking point. Proceed with caution, rapids ahead.”

“The excitement of meeting new people is dope”

“It contributes to the leftist hedonistic society that is in full decline.”

Have you ever cheated or been cheated on?


40% of men said they cheated as did 23% of women, and almost half of them say they would do it again.

What happened?

“They cheated on me with the local scat guy.”

“She went to summer camp and met Jake.”

“Boyfriend made out with someone at our school bar, and all my friends called me to tell me.”

Who would you date?

Once again, the concept of the “friend-zone” is shown to be false as women said they are more likely to date a friend than anyone else. It also might be a good idea to ask out your classmate as that’s the next highest category for both men and women.

However, while 26% of respondents said they would date their professor, and 8% of said they would date a student they taught, GBC’s Employee Code of Conduct for Academic Staff is clear that sexual relationships between professors and students they are teaching is forbidden. Flirting with your professor could also be seen as sexual harassment, so make sure you keep things professional while you are still in a student-teacher relationship.

Men said they were more likely than women to give their ex another chance, and more willing to date a friend’s ex, but 25% of both men and women said they would date their enemy’s ex.

People you know or don’t know  
A Friend: 85% (86% of men and 84% of women)
Someone on an online dating website or app: 61% (67% of men and 54% of women)
A complete stranger 60% (65% of men and 57% of women)

In school
A classmate: 82% (87% of men and 79% of women)
A professor who does not teach you: 45% (39% of women and 48% of men)
Your professor: 26% (35% of men and 15% of women)
A student who you do not teach: 17% (22% of men and 11% of women)
A student you teach: 8% (9 men and one woman said they would, though we don’t know if they are actually faculty)


At work

A co-worker: 67% (76% of men and 59% of women)
Your boss: 28% (32% of men and 25% of women)
Your employee: 17% (25% of men and 11% of women)

Family friends
A friend’s family member (sister, brother, cousin, mother, father etc.): 48% (41% of men and 57% of women)
Your cousin: 7% (8% of men and 3% of women)

Exes
Your ex: 30% (38% of men and 23% of women)
Your friend’s ex: 24% (33% of men and 15% of women)
Your enemy’s ex: 25% (even for both men and women)

How is your sex life?


Women are having better sex than men.

16% of women say their sex life is amazing, while 14% of men say the same.
32% of men say their sex life is just alright or not that great, but just 7% of women say the same.
5% of men and 2% of women say their sex life sucks.

How much sex are people having?


Of the respondents who have sex (21% are either virgins or abstain) here is how often we are doing it.

17% once a month
16% twice a week
13% once a week
12% three times a week
7% once every 6 months
7% once a year

“Haven’t for a few years. Just been punching the clown and I’m fine.”

How long do you need to know someone before you’ll have sex with them?

23% of men say they would have sex after an hour or less of meeting someone, while 5% of women say the same.

43% of men and 19% of women say they would have sex after one date

14% of women and 5% of men say you will have to marry them before they have sex.

People 17-19 said were the most willing to wait. 20% of that age group said they would need to know someone for more than a month and 13% said they would wait for 6 months, a year, or for marriage.

What have you done?

40% said they have had sex in a public place
44% have had a one-night stand
36% have had their ass fingered
33% have masturbated in a public place
27% have received anal sex
22% have had a threesome
21% have been slapped in the face during sex
21% have had someone walk in on them during sex
21% have made amateur porn
19% have been choked
18% have given their genitals a name

Sex Toys

Some of the more interesting things we found people brought to the bedroom were:

Blindfold: 33%
Handcuffs: 29%
Bottle: 13%
12% said they have used vegetables.
Sex swing: 6%
Electrostimulation: 6%

Nude Photos

21% of men admit to having sent unsolicited dick pics. 54% of women and 20% of men have received one.
47% women and 50% of men have sent nude photos.
35% of men had sent a nude photo of somebody else.

What do you do before you have sex with someone?

67% of women and 31% of men said they wait for the other person to make the first move. About 44% of both  genders say they ask if the other person wants to have sex, and 52% of men and women start making out but will stop if the other person says no. 74% of men and 54% of women say they pay attention to body language to gauge interest and about 25% of men and women say they “just go for it.” 13% of women and 6% of men said they disclose any STIs 

“I talk to them about my disability”

“Ask about safe words and hard limits.”

Can a person who is extremely intoxicated give consent?

Women
76% No
19% Maybe
6% Yes

Men
63% no
24% maybe
13% yes

50% of people said they have had consensual sex after using drugs or alcohol.

“If they’re too drunk, Don’t show your junk!”

“If extremely intoxicated it may be harder to make informed decisions and/or stop what you or the other person(s) are doing , but I don’t think that being extremely intoxicated should be viewed plainly as non-consensual to having sex. It’s probably not a good idea though to have sex if one or more parties is extremely intoxicated—not if you want it to be good, worthwhile and/or meaningful sex.”

“Drugs and alcohol inhibit cognitive function. It’s the same as not legally being allowed to sign some documents when on certain medications.”

Do you have to say “yes” to consent?

49% of men and 60% of women say they need to hear a clear “yes” for sex to be consensual.

“Quite often it seems that the first time I have sex with a partner it just starts happening by consent, no questions asked. The first question will be “do you like that?” “Can I take this off?”

“I’m in a committed relationship and he still asks.”

Can someone withdraw consent at any time?

82% of men and 94% of women said yes.
5% of men and 2% of women said no.
13% of men and 4% of women said maybe.

“Abso-freaking-lutly. You may say yes to something but then decide you don’t like it or you’re not in the mood or hell you just changed your mind. It doesn’t matter its your body and you get to decide what to do with it.”

Does someone need to say “no” or “stop” to not consent?

45% of men and 50% of women said you don’t need to say “no” or stop” to not be consenting.

“Both ‘soft no’s’ and physical cues can also signal NO. That gives you an opportunity to ask again, “is this OK?” “Would you like to continue?” If the answer is anything other than YES! Back off. Stop. This isn’t the time.”

“Body language is just as important as verbal language and anyone can read into obvious non-verbal communication.”

If you or your partner got pregnant

33% would want to have the kid.
26% would want have an abortion.
31% would want to talk with their partner about what to do.
4% would put the baby up for adoption.

“I’m a male and my partner is a female. The choice would be entirely hers as it’s her body. I would certainly help and discuss and provide opinions if asked for, but the decision is hers.”

Sexually Transmitted Infections

50% of people said they use protection for STIs, 31% don’t, and 19% do sometimes.
56% of people who said they have cheated use protection from STIs.
40% of people who have been cheated on use protection from STIs.
17% of people said they have had a STI.
5% of people said they were not sure.

“I have HIV. It was not sexually transmitted.”

Sex work


22% of men said they have paid for sex and another 10% said they haven’t but might in the future.

No women said they have paid for sex but 6% of women said they might pay for sex in the future.

8% of men said they have been paid for sex and 6% said they have done other sex work.

“I think consenting adults should do whatever their hearts please in this specific regard, but I can’t imagine paying for sex myself. I got rent to pay, Netflix’s monthly fee just went up, who’s got that kind of surplus foldin’ taking up wallet real estate, I ask you?”

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2018 Love and Sex survey results