Like Halloween, don’t be an asshole about it
Every month of December, a strange happening occurs. I’m not just talking about people guzzling litres of egg nog on purpose, or baking and eating people-shaped ginger bread, which are absolutely strange things to do.
I’m talking about the arrival of ugly sweaters: those horrific colours, graphics, and phrases just vomiting across holiday knitted numbers. With endorsements from celebrities from Taylor Swift to Pharrell Williams, these beautifully terrible sweaters arrive like the flu during the holidays. While these lovely eye-sores were once just stocked in thrift and second-hand stores, they’re no available in major retailers for stupid money.
But please, like Halloween costumes, don’t be an asshole about it. Here are three simple please don’ts.
1) Don’t wear sweaters that have creepy mistletoe content
2) Don’t wear sweaters with slut-shaming ‘ho’ puns
3) Don’t wear sweaters with shitty, mean jokes
Remember, besides being perfect to spill drinks and food on, these ugly sweaters are meant to be photographed. Have fun and don’t make a life-altering, on the internet forever bad ugly sweater choice.