The Dialog’s 2017 Love & Sex Survey results

The Dialog’s Love & Sex Survey ran in January and received 156 responses. This is not scientific, but it is interesting

Number of respondents:
Woman: 83 or 53%
Man: 68 or 43%
Trans: 2 or 2%
Queer: 2 or 2%

Age of respondents:
44% – 20-24 years old
25% – 17-19 years old
20% – 24 -29 years old

How do you identify?
70.3% – Heterosexual
7.1% – Bisexual
4.5% – Heteroflexible
3.2% – Queer
3.2% – Not sure

When did you have your first sexual experience?
37.8% – 15-17
28.1% – 18-20
19.3% –  haven’t had one
6.7% – Under 14
5.9% – 21-24
2.2% – 25-30
Comment from the survey:
“Painful. For anyone with a vagina, if your hymen is on the thick side that shit is like a rubber band being snapped. But, I had also experienced zero penetration prior to my first time. No fingering, no oral—not even tampons. I was terrified of putting anything in there. Following my first time, I was actually experiencing some swelling and tenderness for about a day after, and it hurt to have sex for the following two weeks. But, whatever, “no regrets. Not even a letter.”

What is more important to you: love or sex?
Just 7% of people said that sex is the most important to them, while 37% said that love is more important. But the majority 66% believed that both are important.
Comment from the survey:
“I’m currently dating someone whose religious beliefs involve waiting for marriage so (love or sex) is actually a big question I’m grappling with at the moment.”

How frequently do you have sex?
21% of women have sex once a week. 21% of men have sex once a month
Comment from the survey:
“I am an asexual and a virgin, but I frequently engage in non-sexual BDSM activities.”

How long do you need to know someone before you’ll have sex with them?
17% of people will wait to have sex till they get married. 19% of women would consider having sex after the first date, while 42% of men would prefer to have sex in less than one date and 18% said they would do it less than an hour after meeting someone.
Comment from the survey:
“Depends on my evil designs 😉 If I am interested in getting to know them, I’ll take some time before sex. If I don’t care for their personality or am not in a place where I want to date, sex could happen within an hour or two.”

Can a person who is extremely intoxicated give consent?
83% of women said someone who is extremely intoxicated can not give consent. But 18% of men said it was okay, compared to 3.5% of women.
Comment from the survey:
“Consent is complicated. As a trauma survivor, I have used alcohol to facilitate tolerating sex. I consented to the encounter.”

Sex positions respondents have tried

Sex positions respondents have tried

Which of the following best describes your current relationship status?
Single 42.9%
Long-term or serious relationship 18.8%
Dating 18.2%
Married 5.2%
Friends with benefits 5.2%
I get along better with my cat or dog 5.2%

What does it mean to “have sex”?
Vaginal penetration 80.7%
Anal 50.4%
Oral 42.2%
Manual (handjobs, fingering) 35.6%
Anything I wouldn’t want my mom to see me doing 25.9%

Do you need to be in a committed relationship to have sex?
Yes 24.4%
No 67.5%
Comment from the survey:
“A committed relationship is loving someone and being strong for them at their worst when they feel weak and vice versa. It’s a friendship and a partnership”

Would you consider an open relationship?
Nope, no way 54.8%
Maybe, it depends on the circumstances 22.2%
Yes, I would consider it 11.9%
Yes, I’m already in one! 5.6%
Yes, but my partner would not 3.9%
I have in the past but wouldn’t do it again 1.6%
Comment from the survey:
“As long as I’m single and the other individual is sexually intimate with me but I would not consider an open relationship if I’m in a committed relationship”

Have you ever cheated or been cheated on?
28.8% of women and 20.4% of men admitted that they have cheated
39.4% of women and 44.4% of men have not been cheated on (as far as they know)
Comment from the survey:
“I was in a relationship where the expectation of me was to be a stereotypical submissive homemaker. He had a 10-year plan for me he had made independent of any actual 10 year plans I had for myself. It involved getting married and taking care of him while he was in school, and having babies and things like that. He didn’t make time for me, he wasn’t interested in sex as much as I was. I saw him maybe once a week, and when I did, he would do work at the kitchen table and I would hang out with his parents. I was really dating his parents at that point. And then I was travelling, it was an international school trip he wasn’t on. There was this other boy who started hanging out with me. We would sneak away from the group to go explore and eat crepes. I felt excited to be with someone and do things with someone for the first time in a while. One night this new boy was over in my room with friends, we were listening to music and watching movies after lights out. Everyone fell asleep and it was just us awake, writing out conversations on phones so we wouldn’t wake everyone else up. And then he asked to kiss me. We ended up sneaking off to his room to fool around. We talked about it afterwards. I felt like a terrible person because I didn’t feel bad, or guilty or anything. We saw each other a few times after that, we would sneak out and go for walks along the train tracks. I dated my current boyfriend for another 2 years before it reached a breaking point.”

Who would you date?
A friend 87.1%
A classmate 86.3%
A co-worker 68.5%
Someone on an online dating website or app 55.6%
A complete stranger 54%
A friend’s family member (sister, brother, cousin, mother, father etc.) 52.4%
Your teacher 33.9%
Your boss 33.1%
Your enemy’s ex 30.6%
Your ex 25%
Your friend’s ex 19.3%
Comment from the survey:
“I wouldn’t date my coworker/boss if we work at the same work place unless they resign/move to different company location and therefore we no longer work together. I would not date my teacher if I were a student in his class unless it is short-term temporary or I met him before I became his student & we agree to keep things professional in class.”

How satisfied are you with your sex life?
It’s pretty good 30.4%
What sex life? 24.3%
It’s AMAZING! 20.9%
Meh, it’s alright, I guess. 9.6%
To be honest, it’s not that great 5.2%
It SUCKS! 1.7%
Comment from the survey:
“I’m only doing it because I know he wants to.”

Have you ever used a sex-toy?
TOP 11:
Vibrator 67.3%
Dildo 50.9%
Blindfold 38.2%
Handcuffs 38.2%
Bullet vibrator 38.2%
Rope 32.7%
G-Spot vibrator 30.9%
Rabbit vibrator 23.6%
Butt plug 21.8%
Cock ring 21.8%
Vibrator wand 20%

Have you received dick pics or nude photos?
68% of women received unsolicited dick pics. 77% of men received nude photos or videos.
Comment from the survey:
“If I’m sent unsolicited dick pics, I’m damn well showing them to my friends so they can block them (but not before we send a bunch of dick pics first as a taste of their own medicine!).”

What have you sent or shown to someone?
Nude photos or video (without my face) 76.1%
Nude photos or video (with my face) 45.1%
Nude photos or video of someone else 16.9%
An #aftersexselfie 15.5%
Unsolicited dick pics 12.7% 
Comment from the survey:
“I once got a picture of a turtle without his/her shell.”

What do you do before you have sex with someone?
I pay attention to body language if they are interested or not 71.4%
I wait for them to make the first move 61.5%
I start making out with them and stop if they say no 59.3%
I ask them if they want to have sex and wait for an answer 45.1%
I ask if I can kiss / touch / take their clothes off 38.5%
I just go for it 19.8%
I disclose any sexually transmitted infections I have 14.3%
Comment from the survey:
“Generally, I think you can tell is someone is being responsive to your advances, in any case no means no though. ”

Does someone need to say “yes” to consent?

Comment from the survey:
“Yes is great because it’s definitive, there’s no room for assumptions. Verbal consent is the next best, and except in certain situations (where it’s staged as part of a role playing for example) without verbal consent I won’t continue. I aim for ‘fuck yes’ as a rule.”

Does someone need to say “no” or “stop” to not consent?
No 46%
Yes 42%
Maybe 12%
Comment from the survey:
“It always helps to say no, but read the body language and energy. You should be able to tell when it is off. If that ever happens, make sure to ask if they want to continue because they may have changed their minds or even were shy about saying no and then it went to far.”

Can someone withdraw consent at any time?

Do you use anything to prevent pregnancy?
Yes 59.2%
My sexual activities can’t cause pregnancy 16.3%
No 12.2%
Sometimes 12.2%

If you or your partner got pregnant you would want to:
Talk with my partner about what to do 45%
Have an abortion 26%
Have a kid 22%
Comment from the survey:
“I would keep the kid, but also talk to my partner about their thoughts and feelings. However, you should talk about these potential scenarios before ever engaging in sexual contact. It’s just easier to think ahead. And if you’re down for random sexual encounters, then you need to have this worked out prior to engaging in sexual activity so that you’re prepared if it happens.”

Do you use any form of protection for sexually transmitted infections?

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The Dialog’s 2017 Love & Sex Survey results

  • David

    Interesting article. I wish I was surprised at the fuzzy understanding of what consent means, but pretty much as expected sadly.

    I am however happy to see some diverse interests in people’s sexual expression. For the person engaging in non-sexual BDSM, you are awesome!